Chain of Fools
by Hoarding Consequence
Summary: Evolving piece on unrequited love. 'Have you ever noticed that the things you desire the most are the things you cannot attain? Yet, things you do not desire, or perhaps, once desired but no longer do...these are the things that fall at your feet.'
1. Chapter 1

AN: Ah, the obligatory Author's Note. Who was it that said, "A Forward is just the author apologizing for the book you're about to read"? Something to that effect anyway. I do however feel the need to apologize for my liberal use of some basic Japanese terms. It's lame probably, but I enjoy it. In a series that's set in Japan, there should be more Japanese, I think.

And I also boycott the usual "disclaimer" that people seem to always put here. 'zomg i don't own this!!!!1' Um...obviously. I should think that on a site with 'fanfiction' as the core of the address, that would go without saying. If a company wanted to sue, that would be really funny. Just...really, really funny.

But...GAH. I talk/type/ramble too much. On with the show!

* * *

It had started innocently enough. Actually, no. No, it hadn't. It had started with Kagome rationalizing her guilt into a more palatable feeling of concern. Inuyasha had been gone for a while now, and he might have run into trouble. It wasn't until after she'd told the others as much and set off on her own to assure herself of his safety that she realized she'd neglected to bring her bow. With a sigh, the girl decided to stop lying to herself right then and there. It was more than obvious—to herself as well as to the close-knit group of friends she'd left at the campsite—that concern was barely a percentage of the reason Kagome had decided to follow the hanyou. 

If anything could be said for Inuyasha, he was not dishonest. He could have lied and snuck off to see Kikyou when he'd caught the scent of burial soil on the breeze. But he hadn't. He hadn't even made the move to go. But Kagome had noticed his brooding hesitation, and it didn't take any great mental strain to discern its cause. There was only one thing that brought that soulful look to those golden eyes she loved so much. Though it stabbed her heart with an almost physical pain, she hadn't even thought about continuing when she saw that look. Giving the others a vague, half thought out lie about fatigue and rocks in her shoes, she'd convinced them to camp early for the night. Inuyasha had met her gaze and held it for a long moment. He hadn't been fooled by the lie, and she saw a spectrum of emotions flash through the look he'd given her. Relief, gratitude, remorse, and underneath it all, an unspoken promise that he'd make it up to her. Kagome had forced herself to smile at him and had given him a tiny nudge. "Go on, it's okay." He always seemed to need her permission first, and she found a slight comfort in that. She found another tiny comfort in the way he hesitated meaningfully before frowning and turning away, bounding off into the trees. Kagome had stared at her shoes then, forgetting completely about the supposedly unbearable rocks she claimed were in them. But in retrospect, she should have known that Sango and Miroku were less taken in by her fib than Inuyasha had been. Kirara probably wasn't fooled either, but she obviously couldn't say anything about it. As for Shippou, the little fox youkai had been too busy digging in Kagome's backpack for candy to be bothered with the drama that was going on. No matter; he'd tell Inuyasha how much of a 'baka' he was when he came back. Kagome had been too engrossed in her mournful inspection of her shoes to notice the concerned glance that had passed between houshi and taijiya.

But that had been at least an hour ago, if not two. Now, Kagome was tracing the path she thought the hanyou had likely taken. Really though, she wasn't following his aura. She didn't have to. There was always a certain faint pull deep within her soul when the resurrected miko was around. Unsurprising, seeing as how a sizable portion of her soul still remained in Kikyou's possession. A rueful smile tugged at the corner of her mouth as she had the vague notion that she could probably sense Kikyou's presence better than Inuyasha could. Of course, it helped that those strange 'soul catcher' things were never far from the miko. Kagome was beginning to see a few already. One altered its course and slithered around her in what might almost be an affectionate manner if it wasn't so detached and unconcerned. Kagome frowned. Even this thing was mistaking her for Kikyou! _Well, it can't be helped, I suppose,_ she thought evenly, once she'd considered it. _If we both only have a fraction of the same soul, then they probably would... Why am I thinking about this now?_ Shaking her head as if to clear it, Kagome slowed her pace as she felt the pull increase, knowing she was close and not wanting either of them to detect her. As she carefully crouched down, she put her finger in her mouth and held it up. Yes, she was down-wind. She'd escape Inuyasha's nose, at the very least. But she couldn't help but wonder...did Kikyou feel the same strange tug when she was around? Quite possibly. If that was the case, then Kagome's cover had been blown for a very long time.

Peering around a tall bush, she saw the two of them, sitting against the wide trunk of a gnarled tree. Kagome could read nothing from Kikyou's expression. Perhaps she was safe, then. _How could anyone keep their face so blank?_ Kagome wondered, her shameful jealousy all but forgotten in her curiosity. This scene was quite different from the first and last time she'd (albeit unwillingly) spied on the two of them together. That time Kikyou had been trying to avenge her own death by dragging the hanyou to hell with her. Now...that agenda was long forgotten, it seemed. The miko appeared to be merely tolerating Inuyasha's presence, while he stared at her with that look in his eyes. The one that killed Kagome to see. Not because it made her jealous, but because it was so heartbreaking. He looked so desperate, so lost, so pained. But that's all he was doing: looking at her. He wasn't reaching for her or touching her at all. They weren't even speaking. Kikyou was staring off into space blankly, leaving Inuyasha to marinate in his pain.

Kagome wasn't sure what would break her heart more; seeing him hurting like this, or seeing them locked in a loving embrace. She forced her gaze away, unable to take any more of it. It was only then that she noticed she'd been digging her nails into her palms and realized she'd done it to stop herself from rushing into the clearing to hold him and tell him everything would be all right. It was deathly quiet, so much so that she could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears as she tried to stave off the tears. _Inuyasha..._ It was so stiflingly quiet that she almost jumped when Kikyou's dark, smooth voice broke the silence.

"You should go, Inuyasha. Your companions will worry."

"...K-Kikyou..." The eavesdropper didn't have to look up to know that the desperation she'd seen in Inuyasha's eyes before had probably just spread throughout his entire face with that one choked word. He was begging her not to send him away, begging her...for so many things.

Things she would not give. "We all have our paths to walk, Inuyasha. Our journeys are not yet over. Perhaps one day, our paths may yet cross again. I hope that on that day, Naraku will finally be defeated. But until then, Inuyasha, you must be strong for your friends."

"Kikyou...will you--"

"--I'll be fine. Now go."

How like her own earlier words those last, dismissive ones were! Kagome mourned for Inuyasha even more. He was like a ball being tossed back and forth between the two women. 'Go on, it's okay.' 'I'll be fine. Now go.' Was it any wonder he was so lost? With both of them telling him to go to the other, what else could he do? Maybe, Kagome reasoned wildly, if next time (because there would always be a next time) she told him not to go, it would relieve him of this painful game of catch. It might also make him angry. But maybe all he's ever needed was for one of them to tell him, 'Don't go, Inuyasha, I need you.' Would that really be so hard to say? ...Yes, it would. But perhaps, when the time came, Kagome might have the courage to say those words. Perhaps.

She'd been so lost in her melancholy thoughts that she hadn't even noticed the departure of the hanyou. She didn't notice the thick silence descend once more. What jolted her out of her reverie was, once again, Kikyou's voice breaking that heavy silence.

"You can come out now, Kagome."

Kagome stifled a gasp. Had she known the whole time? She must have! Is that why she'd spoken and acted the way she did? Somehow, Kagome didn't think so. Kikyou didn't seem like the sort of person who'd censor herself for anyone, much less her naïve reincarnate. It would be foolish and cowardly to run, now that she'd been uncovered like that. No, she'd do the honorable thing and face whatever harsh words the miko had for her. Kagome stood and walked out into the clearing on legs that had suddenly become slightly shaky. She was surprised to find that Kikyou's face was still blank. There was no trace of affront or indignation whatsoever. For some reason, the lack of those things made Kagome want to apologize more.

"Kikyou...I didn't mean to..." Yes, she did. "...Gomen." She felt so ashamed of herself. What had she been thinking, spying like that? She was better than that. With her apology, she bowed her head and stared at the ground. She didn't really expect Kikyou to forgive her. But then, she realized, she didn't know what to expect from her at all.

"Iie. Don't worry about it. I understand."

"You...what?" This must be a joke. No, not a joke. Kikyou didn't joke. This must be a trick.

"Please, sit a while. I know you and I haven't been on the most friendly terms," she began with a wry smirk. "But we obviously have much in common." There was something strange in her voice, something Kagome couldn't place. She sounded almost tired, but that wasn't it. Underneath the dry humor, there was a deep sadness very different from what she'd seen in Inuyasha's eyes a few minutes ago. Kikyou's sadness was calm. Whatever it was that made her so sad, the miko had long accepted it as an unchangeable reality. Was this the sadness of one who has died? It seemed different, somehow. Her face was still hauntingly blank, however.

"That's sort of an understatement, isn't it?" Kagome replied with an amiable smile. She held no hard feelings for the miko, despite everything. Maybe it was crazy, but it was true. She was still wary of her, yes. But she didn't, and would never, hate her. And if Kikyou was making the attempt to be friendly, then by all means, Kagome would make it easy for her. She didn't know why, but she also didn't know why not, and the latter far outweighed the former doubt.

To Kagome's surprise, Kikyou actually smiled. Though it didn't reach her eyes, it was a start. "Hai...I suppose you are correct." She studied the younger girl for a time, thoughtful if nothing else, before finally moving her gaze to the treetops above them. "It's funny, don't you think? The cruelties of fate."

Kagome merely stared at the musing miko, having absolutely no idea how to reply to this philosophical topic. Was she talking about herself and Inuyasha? Her own death? Perhaps she meant the two of them, existing in the same time and being forced to share a soul. She had no idea. After a pause, it didn't seem like Kikyou was going to say more, and for some reason, Kagome didn't want the channel to close, so she prompted, "What do you mean?"

Intense, dark eyes lowered to settle indifferently on the face that looked so like her own. That same mirthless smile returned before she replied in a voice Kagome would not have recognized as Kikyou's. It was too quiet, and lacked that confident strength that she'd come to associate with the miko. "Have you ever noticed that the things you desire the most are the things you cannot attain? Yet, things you do not desire, or perhaps, once desired but no longer do...these are the things that fall at your feet." Kikyou tilted her head appraisingly for a moment before adding, "I think you understand what I mean."

At first, the words made little sense. But slowly, the connection formed. '...once desired but no longer do...' She was talking about Inuyasha! Of course...no wonder she looked like she was barely tolerating his pleading presence; she was. Kagome almost didn't want to ask the question, but she couldn't stop the words from forming. "You mean...you don't love Inuyasha anymore?" It was actually quite impressive how she managed to keep the hope out of her voice. Maybe she truly was simply curious. Then again, this entire conversation felt totally unreal.

A devious smirk rewarded Kagome's insight, but just as quickly as it appeared, it faded. "If I still wanted him, we'd be in hell by now." Her tone, surprisingly, was not mocking or condescending in the slightest. It was actually almost sorrowful in its matter-of-fact directness. Kikyou was even kind enough to say it quietly, knowing that the truth of the statement would be painful for Kagome. She might be dead, but she was not without a heart. ...Well. Sort of.

Despite Kikyou's kind delivery, Kagome still flinched at the words. They were true, she realized. She was grateful Kikyou had abandoned that quest for revenge. At least, that she'd come to see that it wasn't Inuyasha who was deserving of that revenge. Hugging her knees, Kagome sighed, feeling unsettlingly as though Kikyou could see right through her. How much of her heart could she read, anyway? Maybe she was just obvious in her love. Although, Kikyou had been there. Exactly where Kagome was now. It was probably easy to see traces of herself in the girl's behavior. Even in her sighs. Kagome realized there was no point in trying to lie to the woman who possessed part of her very soul. "You're right," she admitted softly. "I do know exactly what you mean. Inuyasha..." But she couldn't bring herself to say it. _Inuyasha loves you. _She couldn't say those words. So, she skipped them. "There's a wolf youkai named Kouga who keeps saying he loves me, but I don't love him. He even has someone who loves him, another wolf youkai, Ayame. But he rejects her. I bet probably there's someone who loves her that she doesn't want. Maybe it just goes on and on. In that case, how does anyone find happiness?" She certainly had not meant to ramble on like that, to all people definitely not Kikyou. Kagome looked at her out of the corner of her eye with trepidation, sensing an upbraiding to come.

But it did not come. "They break the chain, I suppose," Kikyou answered simply. There was a thoughtful gleam in her eyes that had lit at some point during Kagome's account. Does it go on and on? She hadn't considered such a thing. All Kikyou was aware of was their little triangle, and...her own problems. But as the girl had told her story, the image of a chain of heartache had formed in the miko's mind. It was depressing.

"...Chain...?" Kagome repeated dully. It made sense. They were all linked, but by what? Misunderstandings and misplaced affections. They were all fools, in the end. The thought made her smile mirthlessly, making her look even more like Kikyou. "A chain of fools," she commented, eliciting a matching smile from her companion. Something then occurred to Kagome as she imagined the sad links of their depressing chain. Something was missing. What Kikyou had said in the beginning didn't quite fit. Why would she say that about wanting something you can't have unless she...? But that couldn't be. It would explain why she looked so sad. But who would deny someone like Kikyou? She was so beautiful, powerful, graceful, and mysterious. She could have anyone, anyone she wanted. But apparently that wasn't completely true. Clearly, there was at least one person whose heart could remain unmoved by the miko's beauty and skill.

She wanted to ask, but she wasn't sure she had the right. Granted, their conversation up til now had been a rather bonding experience, but she didn't want to press her luck. Although...her curiosity was slowly getting the best of her. Kagome didn't notice that she was staring at Kikyou until she found depthless black eyes staring back at her expectantly. Now she didn't have a choice, it was either ask the question or come up with another one. She opted to just ask the question. The worst that could happen was...well, a lot of really bad things could happen, but most were unlikely.

"Kikyou? What you said before..." She'd have to put this lightly. "You're...not at the top of the chain...are you?" Like Kikyou had done before when delivering hurtful truth, Kagome asked this softly, and without a trace of ill-intent. Her tact worked. Kikyou grimaced faintly and shook her head. When no words were forthcoming, Kagome tilted her head and asked the next question in the logical progression. "...Who...?"

"It doesn't matter. You need not concern yourself with such things." But it would seem their conversation had had a lasting effect. Normally, Kikyou would have said this coolly, with a touch of disdain. Now however, she said it with world-weariness, with a touch of consideration. Rather than feeling slighted by these words, the miko's tone had made Kagome feel as though she'd genuinely been spared from unnecessary stress. It was strange.

_I wonder if this is what she was like...when she was alive. _Kagome smiled, both at the thought and at the miko beside her. Suddenly, both their heads turned in the same direction at the exact same moment. Neither was alarmed, just alerted. Kikyou spoke the thought that was on both their minds.

"He has come looking for you. You should return."

Nodding, Kagome stood and looked down at the still-seated miko. She didn't want Inuyasha to find them talking together, because he'd give her no peace until she told him what they talked about. But she was also in no hurry to leave right away. "Kikyou. I'm sure you and I will both break our chain someday," Kagome said optimistically.

Kikyou smirked ruefully. "I shall break it when I return to the earth. But you, Kagome...you may have done so already. We'll see."

"Arigatou, Kikyou-san," Kagome replied, feeling tears welling in her eyes at the hope the miko just injected into her heart. "I'm sure we'll see you soon." As she turned to leave, she heard Kikyou's voice call out to her, in the decadent, chilled tone she was more familiar with.

"Kagome... Let's not make this a habit, shall we?" When Kagome turned again to leave, both women were smiling.

_Back to square one..._

* * *

P-AN: Obligatory post-author's note! For those of you who have had absolutely no contact with the Japanese language (I'm so sorry), here's a clue on the words I used. Because you should always learn something new everyday! If I forgot anything, let me know. 

hai – yes

iie – no

houshi – monk

taijiya – demon slayer

youkai – demon

hanyou – half-demon

miko – priestess

gomen – sorry

arigatou – thanks

baka – idiot (as a noun); stupid (as an adjective)


	2. Chapter 2

AN: If I do a few more chapters, I'd like to find some way to tie them all in together and maybe actually make a plot, that'd be fun! But if not, it's still tickling my brain to dig around in theirs. I hope you guys are enjoying it as much as I am! But, without further ado, here's some testosterone to balance out the estrogen of Chapter One!

* * *

It had been another uneventful meeting with her. That's all they were anymore: uneventful. Though that was probably better than what they could be, Inuyasha couldn't help but feel distressed. Where had Kikyou gone? He refused to believe that death had truly taken the woman he loved forever. Because she was right there, wasn't she? It was still her. And yet, it wasn't.

As he made his way slowly back to the camp, he thought about the hell he'd go through when he got there. He growled in his throat, yet for some inexplicable reason, found himself smiling. Kagome was so contradicting. She would so kindly and sweetly tell him to go see Kikyou, and it made him feel both elated and horribly guilty all at once. But always, when he came back, he had her indomitable temper to endure. More often than not, an 'osuwari' or seven. Inuyasha cringed and tugged irritably at the rosary around his neck as if he could possibly remove it on the three hundred thousandth try. No such luck. Folding his arms, the hanyou paused in his return trek and leaned back against a tree to think. It was unlike him, possibly, but Kikyou's unresponsiveness had really bothered him. It made him pensive, like it usually did, and he didn't care for Shippou's annoying comments while he was trying to think.

_Kikyou._ She was so cold. But he loved her, didn't he? His thoughts paused for half a second, just enough time for doubts to enter his mind. He shook them free. _Of course I do! I always have!_ But he started to wonder if that was enough. Frowning irritably at his own uncertainty, Inuyasha sat down on the grass, shifting Tetsusaiga to a more comfortable position. He had a feeling he'd be here a while. Resting his arms across his knees he glared at the ground in front of him as if it had the answers but was refusing to talk. There was a tugging in the back of his mind, telling him he shouldn't sit around too long, because she'd get mad.

_Kagome._ In a way, the fact that she got mad at him was a relief, compared to Kikyou's painful aloofness. It meant she cared about him, didn't it? Though it pissed him off every time it happened, when he sat down to think about it like this (though that didn't happen very often) he realized that getting face-planted into the dirt was actually worth it if it meant someone was worried about you.

"Keh. Not that I'll ever tell _her_ that," he muttered to himself. He could just imagine her deciding it was a new expression of endearment. That was the last thing he needed. _She finally stopped doing it so much and..._ That's right. She hadn't done it in a while, had she? He realized with a smirk that lately she'd taken to warningly pronouncing the first three syllables, which got the result she wanted, and then stopping. It was only when she was _really_ mad did she finish the word. It was nice of her, he supposed. But then, if she really wanted to be nice, she wouldn't do it at all! He glowered half-heartedly, but it didn't last. If she was here, and he'd said that to her, he'd have made a huge production out of it, but it didn't seem worth the effort by himself.

But the fact remained, and Inuyasha couldn't get it out of his head. She really was more compassionate to him than she'd been at the beginning. But that could be expected, right? The whole group would certainly warm up to each other after their ordeals thus far. Even Inuyasha had changed. His mind went back a few steps to the last thought he'd had and latched onto one word: _warm._ That was it. Kagome was getting warmer. While Kikyou was getting colder. Did it have something to do with sharing a soul? Could a soul only care for one person so much? Maybe the more Kagome cared for him, the less Kikyou could be allowed to care. Inuyasha was horrified at that thought. But then he moodily jerked his gaze to the side. _That's not possible. _But what did he know about reincarnated and shared souls? What did anybody know? Vaguely, he wondered if it had ever happened before. _Probably not. It's too weird._ Inuyasha smirked. Leave it to Kagome to create the most unusual situation the world has yet to see.

The smirk faded. But she didn't create it, after all. It happened to her. All of this, all these trials they faced, they were beyond her control, beyond her imagination. But she faced them with courage and, of all things, optimism. She really was nothing like Kikyou. While Kikyou had her own quiet, bracing strength, Kagome didn't lose faith or hope, didn't get depressed (that he knew of anyway), didn't sit there and talk about all the things they couldn't do because of their obstacles. She nurtured all of their hopes, and held fast to her own faith in _him_, that he had the strength to destroy all of their obstacles. Inuyasha clenched his fist tightly. She would never know, and he would never tell her, that she gave him so much of his strength. The least he could do to repay her was to use it to protect her.

"Kikyou," he whispered into the gathering dusk. "You told me to be strong for my friends. I will be strong. For you. And for Kagome."

He rose to his feet then. He'd had enough of thinking. Inuyasha ran back to the campsite at a much quicker pace than before, almost as fast as he'd run away from it a few hours ago. He'd taken a step tonight, whether he knew it or not. In the spectrum of uncertainty between loving Kikyou or Kagome, the step he'd taken was away from Kikyou. However, he'd been closer to her before tonight, and this step brought him directly into the center of his indecision. Before, he might have made a choice, but now he could not. He could not let go of Kikyou and his commitment to her. The reasons for that, he would never allow himself to explore. He simply accepted that he couldn't. And as for Kagome, he had already explored the reasons he couldn't let go of her too much tonight, and he had no intention of delving deeper. 'I love Kagome' was on the very long list of 'Things That I'll Never Admit to Myself or Anyone Else.' As he did with Kikyou, he just accepted the fact that he couldn't let go of Kagome either. He would not ask himself why. What was the point in knowing?

When he came into view of the crackling fire over which a handful of fish were roasting on stakes stuck in the ground, the hushed conversation ceased. Inuyasha's ears pricked.

Just before they stopped talking, he'd heard Sango say something along the lines of, "I think we should say something, don't you?"

To which the calm voice of Miroku had replied, "You know that I do. But Sango, you also know that it is not our place."

The last thing Inuyasha had been privileged to hear was the beginning of Sango's reply, which he puzzled over only momentarily before dismissing completely. "Houshi-sama...! ...You are right. But if this keeps happening, Kagome-chan will surely—"

Then, Inuyasha had appeared on the far side of the clearing. He didn't even realize he'd been listening until they stopped and the words sunk in. Then he frowned inwardly for not noticing the voices sooner when he could've waited and heard what Sango was going to say. _What about Kagome? Is she sick? She's..._ His thought was abruptly cut off when he started to look for her to judge her condition and couldn't find her.

"Oi! Where's Kagome?" Inuyasha shouted, by now close enough that he didn't need to shout at all. Shippou looked up from turning the fish and glowered at the shouting hanyou. He had wisely stayed out of Miroku and Sango's conversation, but perhaps not so wisely, entered it now.

"Baka!" the little fox youkai jeered, keeping his promise to himself to call the hanyou just that. "Where do you think she went? She went to go find you, baka! Baka baka baka baka baka, eek!" Shippou had been enjoying himself, until he saw Inuyasha's eye twitch and found himself hoisted five feet off the ground by his tail and felt an uncompassionate knuckle rap his skull before the other hand let go and dropped him back to the equally uncompassionate earth. Shippou was dizzy from the mistreatment, but it was well worth it.

Picking up the reeling little youkai and setting him in her lap, Sango frowned at Inuyasha. What she wouldn't give to share in Kagome's ability to activate that subduing rosary sometimes. "Inuyasha," she intoned darkly. It was the best she could do. Noting his unconcern, she added, "We thought you would find her on your way back. Now we must go and look for her." Without a word, Miroku rose to his feet in obvious agreement. Sango couldn't help but feel gratified by that. Not that the group didn't take her suggestions. On the contrary, they almost always did. But always it was, 'Okay, Sango.' 'Let's do that, then.' 'That would be a good idea.' Something to take the lead of the group again, which she didn't mind at all and barely noticed. Only now did she really notice, when it was missing. Miroku was giving her something right now, she just couldn't put her finger on what it was. It wasn't submissiveness; she'd have hated that and it wasn't his style anyway. But Sango would have to figure it out later.

"I'll go and find her myself!" Inuyasha snarled viciously and left. Miroku calmly sat back down. They all recognized that the hanyou's anger was directed at himself and at none of them. Well, maybe Shippou. _But,_ Shippou snickered to himself, _it was worth it._

This time, as Inuyasha raced through the forest, it was with every ounce of speed he could manage. He would have taken to the treetops, but he needed to keep track of her scent. The stronger it got, the more he panicked. He was heading right back to the place he met Kikyou. He could still smell Kikyou on the breeze, as well. This could not be good. Maybe they hadn't met up with each other. He could only hope. Inuyasha wasn't sure what he should be afraid of. It just seemed like a bad thing that they should be left alone together. Once again, he refused to think about why. It didn't matter, as long as he found Kagome and she was safe.

He started to slow down when he felt she couldn't be far. Sniffing the air, he chose the right direction and soon spotted her walking his way. "Kagome!" She looked up and smiled, as if she knew he'd be there. He stopped and blinked at her, then waited for her to reach him. "K-Kagome...daijoubu ka?" She looked like she was okay, but it seemed like the best thing to ask at the time. He steeled himself, just in case her reply came in the form of 'osuwari.'

Kagome nodded once, affirmatively. "Mm. Daijoubu, Inuyasha. Were you worried? Gomen." It seemed strange for her to be apologizing. He didn't like it. But there was a tranquil, bemused expression on her face that he found he did like. She looked like she'd figured out something happy, something nice.

He breathed a sigh of relief. Obviously then, he decided, she hadn't run into Kikyou. "I'm the one that worried you first, Kagome," he said gently, his voice taking on that almost tender quality it only did when he was being sweetly sincere. It was rare to hear him use this tone. It usually took some huge enlightenment on his part to soften his spirit that much. With that tone came the glittering gentleness that flooded his amber eyes, making them sparkle and shine like real gold. "Will you forgive me?"

In that moment, Kagome thought her heart would break. Not out of hollow emptiness like usual, but from being too full. His voice, his eyes, his words...she never loved him more than she did right now. "Inuyasha..." she whispered, and she knew her own eyes must be betraying her feelings, but she didn't care. Kagome smiled and answered, "I always do."

Something like relief entered the pool of emotions swimming around in those golden eyes. "Good," he murmured, and let the moment hang in the air for just a little longer before snapping it in two. His eyes suddenly turned a very familiar shade of sarcastic as he frowned mildly at her. "Because I don't know if I'm going to forgive you," he said in his usual peevish tone as he crossed his arms irritably and looked away from her.

"Eh?" Kagome was taken aback by the sudden shift. "What are you talking about?" She found herself rising to his irritation like she usually did.

"You shouldn't have followed me!" he accused as he looked directly at her and dropped his arms in favor of pointing at her.

A stab of pain replaced the warmth in Kagome's heart and she remembered the truth she'd accepted while talking to Kikyou. _No matter how sweet he may be to me sometimes, he'll always only love her. Why can't I remember that?_ She opened her mouth to angrily counter his accusation, but he cut her off.

"You should have known I'd come back! I always come back, don't I?" he grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest again. There was a brief silence as they stared at each other in confusion, each confused for a different reason. It wasn't long before Inuyasha looked away from her again. He couldn't face the shock that was slowly dawning over her at that addition. He also couldn't understand why, while it had seemed like the right thing to say, it made him feel so guilty to say it. He knew it was true. If it hadn't been true, he wouldn't have said it, simple as that. _This is stupid! Why is she surprised about something she already knows?_ "Keh! And like I'd have any trouble with the wimpy youkai around this place!" he added, cracking the joints of one of his clawed hands demonstratively by merely flexing his fingers. Inuyasha chanced to glare at Kagome out of the corner of his eye. She should be yelling at him by now. He should be face-planted a foot into the ground by now. What's the matter with her?

The girl in question stood in the exact same spot, looking down so that her dark bangs concealed almost half of her face. Frowning, Inuyasha turned his head to face her directly and saw a glistening tear run down her cheek and drop off her chin. He wouldn't have believed his eyes, but they had the backing of his nose; he could smell the additional saline. The hanyou was floored and for a moment, didn't know what to do. That moment passed, and he reached out to grab her shoulders. "Kagome!" _What did I say?!_ When she didn't look up at him, he gave her a tiny shake. "Kagome!"

_'I always come back, don't I?'_ The words had echoed in her head after he'd said them. She would have passed them off as more of the sweet things Inuyasha inadvertently says, only just then, some other words had repeated in her head unbidden.

_'Kikyou. I'm sure you and I will both break our chain someday,'_ she could hear herself telling the miko brightly. Kikyou's dark, breathy voice then gave the same answer in Kagome's mind that she had in the clearing only a few minutes ago.

_'I shall break it when I return to the earth. But you, Kagome...you may have done so already. We'll see.'_

_'I always come back, don't I?'_ Inuyasha's irritated question had repeated itself as if to reinforce its meaning in the proper order. Kagome's eyes had widened and Inuyasha had frowned and turned away from her. _Could Kikyou have been right? Is this what she meant? I shouldn't hope. I won't!_ But she knew it was too late, she felt the hope, and knew all too well the pain it would bring in the not-too-distant future. Kagome had hung her head after realizing this, not paying attention to Inuyasha's typical boasting. It was a misdirection technique anyway, whether he knew he was doing it or not.

Usually, when she felt herself starting to cry, Kagome would try to hide it, or do everything in her power to make it go away. Somehow, it didn't really matter now. She wasn't even sure if she was sad. Maybe she was happy. It felt like both. She was happy because she knew Inuyasha was telling the truth; he would always come back. But she was sad because coming back meant he'd have to leave first. So by saying, 'I always come back,' he was also saying, 'I always leave.' Which was equally true. But she couldn't do anything about it. She had no right to stop him. She realized then that her gallant plan to tell him not to go next time would never occur. Even though Kagome wanted nothing more than to save Inuyasha from that pain she saw him suffering through, how could she? Who was she to tell him to stay? But for that matter, who was she to give him the permission to go that he seemed to need, either? Her head was starting to hurt, and she didn't want to think about it anymore. All Kagome wanted to do was go back to the others, have something to eat, and get some sleep. But Inuyasha was shaking her and yelling her name. Kagome frowned, knowing it was because he'd seen her tears. _And so what if I cry?! ...Iie. I won't anymore. Inuyasha hurts enough, I won't cry. I wanted to be the one to keep him from hurting, didn't I? So, I will._

Inuyasha kept shaking her, and Kagome's eyelids drooped in disapproval. _Right after this._ "...osuwari." She made sure to walk directly across his back as she left him behind to pick himself up. He'd catch up. And he'd forgive her.

"Temee..." Inuyasha groaned into the dirt. He allowed himself one more self-pitying twitch before scrambling to his feet and then, muttering, stalked after her. He sulked for a few minutes as they walked side by side, but when Kagome grabbed his hand, all was forgiven. He looked down at her and muttered a half-hearted insult. "...Wench." But Kagome just smiled.

* * *

P-AN: I have no idea how this happened. I started this with every intention of having this chapter be a confrontation between Inuyasha and Kouga. How it became what it did, I couldn't tell you! I didn't anticipate the warm fuzzies, either, but the angst prevailed! In case you're wondering, I'm sorry to say this will not turn into a romance. It's not my intention. The nature of the story is to explore the darker, more painful side of love, so the warm fuzzies will be two-edged, like in this chapter. But they'll be there! Thanks again for reading, and please tell me if you think I'm lacking in a certain area. Thanks!

And a little more Japanese this time! I don't plan on going nuts with it, but there are some things I just love. Like 'daijoubu,' I don't know what it is, I just love it when they say that. And 'osuwari' is a mainstay. It's so much better than the English version's, 'sit, boy!' That's so dumb. Maybe there have just been too many fantastic deliveries from Yukino Satsuki that Moneca Stori could never hope to live up to. It's sad. But what's sadder is the lack of Narita Ken. Those of you who know what I mean...you know what I mean. And that's all I'm going to rant! I meant to add some definitions not lament the lack of good English voice actors! (If anyone was annoyed by that rant, you should know that I'm an actor pursuing the field of voice acting so it's kind of close to my heart! I apologize, and I won't do it again.)

osuwari – 'sit,' the command used for dogs

daijoubu – all right, safe, okay, etc. ('ka' just makes it a question)

temee – 'you,' but has a rude connotation, which is why it's typically translated 'damn you'


	3. Chapter 3

AN: I officially had to up the rating thanks to this chapter, because as I discovered, whenever Kouga's around people start cursing. And I wanted to keep giving definitions, so...

* * *

In the deep hours of the night, much like every night, Kagome slept with Shippou curled under her arm, Sango not far like a mirror image snuggled with a tiny Kirara, and Miroku dozed sitting upright against the trunk of a tree in whose branches sat Inuyasha, keeping an alert vigil over them all. He would also sleep when these most dangerous hours passed. But not yet.

Kirara opened her luminous eyes, yawned with a trilling squeak, and stood, turning around in a delicate circle before settling back down against Sango's stomach. Inuyasha watched, smirking faintly. That was when he realized how bored he was. There were only a couple of hours left before he'd have gone to sleep anyway. _If anything comes, I'll wake up,_ he assured himself, finding a more comfortable position. It wasn't long before he fell into a light sleep. The day had been exhausting, and he hadn't even fought anything. Shippou would probably say it was due to thinking so much (and he would pay dearly for saying that), but the truth was, Inuyasha was just emotionally exhausted. Not that he had any idea what that meant. Nor would he admit to it if he did. No matter, though, he'd be fine in the morning...like always.

A few minutes later, a whirlwind breached the perimeter of Inuyasha's smelling range and then stopped. When the dust cleared, a bright-eyed wolf youkai stood sniffing the air, disbelief etched on his features. For all his boasting, it would seem Kouga's sense of smell was no better than the hanyou's, in that his perimeter was roughly the same. A distant scent he thought he'd caught affirmed itself, and the concentration left his face as it relaxed into a knowing grin. "Kagome..." It didn't matter that the mutt's scent was intermingled with hers. He ignored that. Considerately, he thought vaguely that he should probably wait for Ginta and Hakkaku to catch up to him before continuing. Nah._ Builds character. They'll be fine._ With a highly humored smirk, Kouga took off running again, already starting to hear the faint pleas of his clansmen from somewhere behind him.

After a while, Kouga stopped to gauge his progress. He knew the scent was coming from one particular forest several miles ahead, but he was caught off-guard when it seemed to change position suddenly. Hadn't it been coming from dead ahead? But now he caught that familiar scent slightly more to the right. Only it was different somehow, and with another brief olfactory scan, he deduced that the hanyou wasn't with her. Narrowing electric blue eyes suspiciously, Kouga instantly decided that Kagome must be in trouble. It was the only way she would be moving at this hour by herself. Hakkaku and Ginta would have to catch up in the morning.

He'd covered about six miles in a matter of minutes, until he had to stop running when the forest became too thick. A fleeting desire to simply knock the offending trees out of his way was quickly buried. He didn't want to make his presence that obvious. Fortunately, Kouga could tell he wasn't far from the source of the scent that had him so baffled. It was Kagome's scent, it had to be. He'd know that scent anywhere. And yet, there was something very peculiar about it. Kouga couldn't place what the difference was, but he'd soon find out. The trees thinned up ahead, he could see, and he sensed slight movement. As he edged forward, he heard a familiar sound. What was that sound? It took him a moment to place it. _Oh yeah, it's a bowstring tightening. ...Wait, what?_ With a muttered curse, Kouga ducked, only a hair's breadth away from getting an arrow through his forehead. _That was careless,_ he rebuked himself. _Of course she'd shoot at me, she doesn't know it's me yet!_

With that bracing thought in mind, he called out while slowly straightening, "Yo! Kagome! Don't kill me, ne?" When a second arrow was not forthcoming, Kouga decided he'd made himself clear. Stepping out from the tangle of shrubs and trees to the sparsely planted area, he froze. There, with that second deadly arrow notched and ready, was a woman he'd never seen before, in full miko raiment. Her unblinking black eyes, empty of emotion, were set in a pale face that equally lacked expression. But apart from that, she looked so much like Kagome. And obviously, she smelled like her. Kouga voiced his first thought. "...You're not Kagome."

The woman might have smirked, but it manifested as merely a slight narrowing of her eyes. When she spoke, her voice matched those eyes; dark and emotionless. "And you are very astute, wolf." She kept her arrow trained on his heart, not because she intended to kill him, but because by now Kikyou was beginning to assume that this could only be the person that Kagome had mentioned to her. After all, he was clearly a wolf youkai, and he knew Kagome. No more clues were necessary. If this boy was, indeed, that 'Kouga' person, Kikyou intended to toy with him a little. Only a little. But, to be fair, she should make certain first. "What do you want with Kagome?"

The way the wolf took the bait, Kikyou had to fight to keep from smirking in satisfaction. The moment her name left the miko's lips he had relaxed under the threat of purification at her hand. He was even brazen enough to flash her a typical roguish smile as he stood tall and declared, "She's my girl."

And now Kikyou was certain. _Poor, deluded creature._ She almost felt sorry for him. But as she lowered her weapon and replaced the arrow into her quiver, Kikyou had to wonder which was best: happiness in ignorance, or the sadness of truth. As she stared at the grinning youkai, the miko almost changed her opinion and began to envy his delusion. She turned away from him, determined to leave him to his enviable delusions. But that ridiculousness soon passed. _Delusion and ignorance are merely a veil under which to hide from things we do not have the courage to face,_ she affirmed with herself. This boy would have to learn that lesson one day. Perhaps she would not be the one to teach him that. _But it would be a kindness to at least plant the seed, would it not?_ Kikyou couldn't understand why she even cared. Healing people she didn't know, that was one thing, but she wouldn't meddle in their personal lives. Although, she reasoned, what she wouldn't give sometimes to have the heartache within herself healed. If what Kagome told her was true, then she could single-handedly heal the heartache of two complete strangers. _I should not bother. It is a waste of my time._ But even as she thought this, she found herself turning back to answer the question she'd heard him ask while she'd been thinking. _I shall plant the seed. But I will not water it._

"Is Kagome here, then?"

"Iie," came the flat reply. She sounded almost bored, except for the fact that boredom was too close to an actual emotion to be allowed into her voice.

"Who are you?" Kouga asked, equal parts curiosity and caution. "You look so much like—"

"I am aware of that," Kikyou cut him off. Granted, she hadn't been told of their similar appearances as often as Kagome had, but she still didn't care to be reminded. It made her feel replaced. Especially when it was phrased that way. If anything, Kagome looked like _her_, she didn't look like Kagome. But it was insignificant, in the end. A passing irritation, and nothing that bothered her for very long. "I am..." Kikyou had to choose her answer carefully. She had the feeling she was wasting her time again, but she pushed it aside for now. What would make this boy trust her? "...related to Kagome. Distantly." Kikyou reveled in the irony of the almost-truth. Seeing the sudden grin on the gullible wolf's face, Kikyou had the thought that maybe this would be slightly interesting after all.

"It is an honor," he said seriously, bowing slowly. He took a pause as if to affirm the solemnity of the action before rushing forward with another bright grin and grabbing the miko's hands. "Very soon, you and I shall be related as well. Please, tell me all about yourself! I want to know—ah, wait don't! More importantly, I must find Kagome!" Kouga had dropped Kikyou's hands when he'd cut himself off, and she was vaguely considering purifying him after all. But no, she would be patient. This is what she'd been waiting for after all.

"I would think you'd already know where she is. And with whom." Her eyes were unsympathetic as she delivered this blow in her usual monotone, without a trace of ill-intent; for she truly had none.

The joy instantly drained from Kouga's impish face, replaced with snarling ire. "Who she's always with," he agreed, and Kikyou had a momentary feeling of triumph that he seemed to already trust her so completely. "That...inu kuso!" He stalked a few paces and punched a tree in his jealous anger. Kikyou raised her eyebrows. She'd never heard that little nickname before. The part of her that was still protective of Inuyasha wanted to scold Kouga for calling him that, part of her was slightly disgusted by the vulgarity, and the rest of her was faintly amused.

"Kagome is a spirited girl. She would never permit herself to be kept somewhere she did not wish to be." Even as she said it, Kikyou knew it to be true. She thought back to the bleak time when she herself had been thwarted by the girl's indomitable spirit. It seemed like such a long time ago, yet not so very long at all.

Kouga turned to glare at the miko, whose name he realized he didn't even know. But as he stared at her impassive face, he realized too that he couldn't direct his anger onto her. He tried. But it wouldn't stay. It wasn't until she turned her unconcerned gaze on him that he understood why. She wasn't saying these things to hurt him. It was obvious from the look in her eyes and her expression that she simply didn't care either way. When people didn't care, they were much more likely to tell the truth. Kouga frowned. He wouldn't accept that as the truth, however. There was no way _his_ Kagome would prefer the company of some filthy mutt to his own. "The only reason she isn't with me is because I choose to let them protect her! If I went right now to get her, she'd come with me!"

The miko's gaze never changed, but inside she felt still more pity for Kouga. She sensed the underlying uncertainty in his last words just as easily as she sensed the strong pride he could not let go of. "What do you chase, wolf? The girl or your pride? In chasing one, you lose the other." Kikyou felt she hit her mark when she noticed his widening eyes. _Enough._ As she began to walk away, she let one more pearl of wisdom settle into the stilled pool of his mind. "Stop running. Learn patience. What truly belongs to you may then come with much less effort."

Kouga watched the miko leave without saying a word. Honestly, he didn't completely understand what she meant. The part about Kagome or his pride, that he understood. And it had scared him. For the first time, he had started to second guess what he so vehemently kept assuring himself and whoever would listen: that he loved Kagome. Kouga let his back hit the tree he'd so mercilessly punched a few minutes ago as he leaned against it for support. His mind reeled with all the things that miko had said. He had the feeling it would be a very long time before he understood the meaning of her words. That frustrated him. He wanted to understand now. He wanted the answers now so he could fix everything. Despite himself, Kouga grinned lopsidedly and scratched the back of his head. "Learn patience, eh? I guess so..."

But he still wasn't satisfied. He had something to prove to himself first. He had told the miko that Kagome would go with him if he went to get her, and that's what he would go find out. If she did, then his problem was solved. But if not... Well, he'd figure it out if it came to that. It took about three seconds to place both similar scents, and now that he could tell the difference, he wouldn't make the same mistake again. It was in the opposite direction that Kikyou went, then, that Kouga departed. But he didn't run.

Kikyou frowned. Why had she done that? It wasn't like her. Ever since that silly conversation with Kagome, Kikyou realized that she has been acting more and more like she used to before she was murdered. It appalled her. Only...it started before that, didn't it? Kikyou paused and looked down to think. When had this ridiculously sentimental decline begun? She could not remember. _It will not continue,_ she decided firmly as she began walking once more. It had been her decision for some time now that she would let go of her past self. _That is not me anymore. One cannot return._ With a single, steely nod, Kikyou's resolve was reaffirmed. There was only one thing binding her to this world now. It was not a desire to continue her past life. She knew this. It was revenge. "Naraku..." she whispered venomously; hatred for him the only emotion she allowed herself to indulge. _I will see him destroyed. Then I will pass on. That is my purpose now._ A sense of peace washed over the miko as these strengthening thoughts banished the last of her weakness. No more would she philosophize under the moonlight with her foolish reincarnate. No more would she put forth effort to show erring lovers their folly. She had but one purpose, and she would no longer permit herself to be distracted from it. _Nothing will divide my attention from my path now._

As she broke through the edge of the forest onto a grassy plain, Kikyou lifted her eyes to the heavens to judge how close dawn might be. Her gaze was drawn to the moon. In a week or so, it would be a new moon. As Kikyou stared up at the partial moon, a troubling thought spoke itself without her permission. _Almost nothing._ She gazed at the celestial fixture for a few more moments before finally glaring angrily at it as if it had insulted her. "Chikushou..." she breathed, placing no heat or feeling behind the curse. _So, the cause was..._ Wrenching her gaze back down to the earth, Kikyou continued her pilgrimage, her features once again utterly blank.

While Kikyou was cursing the moon, the lovesick youkai she'd grudgingly inspired was on his way to the camp where Kagome and the others still slept. Contrary to his habits he walked the whole way, with his hands folded behind his head, looking up through the boughs of the covering trees. He was thinking, sort of. More accurately, he was daydreaming. Instead of facing the potential reality of the encounter he was about to initiate, he was imagining how it would be if it went the way he wanted it to. Why shouldn't he? It would happen that way. He still firmly held onto that belief. He was playing out the scene again in his head where he'd scoop Kagome into his arms and carry her off. He could practically hear the infuriated shouts and curses of Inuyasha as he left the mutt in the dust. But even as Kouga chuckled to himself, a worded thought came unbidden to shatter his lovely image. _**Is**__ it pride?_ Kouga stopped and dropped his arms, frowning. Had he really taken that miko's words so much to heart? Or could it be that those words merely brought to the surface what he wouldn't tell himself? Snarling, Kouga shook his head. This was too complicated. Therefore, he'd ignore it. He wouldn't claw desperately at the truth to find understanding. He'd do what he wanted, like he always did. Somehow, he found comfort in that.

As the grey light of pre-dawn began to filter across the landscape, drowning the last of the visible stars in morning's twilight, another ritual began to occur. The first to stir and open their eyes were Kirara and Sango. The movement woke Inuyasha, who stretched briefly, with a few satisfying cracks from his relaxed joints, then leapt down from his perch in the tree. He landed at the base of the tree near Miroku, which in turn woke the monk. From there, Inuyasha walked to the edge of their camp to scan and sniff for potential danger, Sango gently placed a hand on Kagome's shoulder to wake her, and Miroku set about dousing the few embers of their fire that had not died over the course of the night. It was a well-rehearsed ritual, one that barely took any thought. Occasionally, though, there would be some deviations from the script. For example, this particular morning, instead of setting Shippou down to pack her things, Kagome held the still-snoring kit and turned her head in the direction Inuyasha was glowering into. But when she began to voice what had alerted her, the hanyou cut her off irritably.

"I sense two—"

"Yeah, I know. It's that bastard, Kouga. He's been stinking up the whole forest since before we woke up." He wouldn't say so, but part of the reason Inuyasha was so annoyed was that he could tell by the proximity of the scent that he'd been well within his range for quite a long time now. _I should have noticed sooner. Chikushou... The hell does he want?_ A rhetorical question, at best. The answer, as well as the fact that he knew that answer all too well, were only part of the reason he hated the wolf so much.

"Inuyasha..." He felt her hand on his arm as she hesitantly voiced his name. Shippou had been deposited into Miroku's arms, where he had awoken and was now clinging to the nonplussed monk's shoulder, trying to get him to tell him what was going on. He could simply have lifted his nose to the air and figured it out quickly enough for himself, but apparently he preferred to be told, and made that preference known with a bit less tact than the situation might have called for. Inuyasha's ear twitched in agitation as he caught the fox's less than discreet attempts to be filled in on the situation. He was about three seconds away from making some kind of snide, juvenile comment about Shippou's intelligence, when Kagome continued, granting Shippou's ego a temporary reprieve. "Don't fight with him, please..."

"Don't worry, Kagome. It's still early. I'll let the brat get in three insults before I start hitting him, deal?"

From behind them, Shippou suddenly silenced. His first instinct was to glare at the back of Inuyasha's head for the promise of violence. But then he slowly realized that it meant he'd get three free cheap shots before that violence ever came. Covering his mouth with his tiny hands, the little fox youkai tried to stifle his snickering. This would be a good day.

"I'm not talking about Shippou, Inuyasha." If it weren't for the fact that she could sense Kouga's shards getting closer and closer, she'd probably have reprimanded him for the threat on Shippou's person at all. That would have to wait, though. Kagome hoped she'd remember later to warn Shippou not to overdo it, or else he'd be on his own.

The hanyou turned his head to glare down at her. But he paused before responding, which Kagome took as a good sign. "I can't promise that," he finally said sourly, turning away again. The girl nodded, satisfied. Despite what he said, she could tell by the way he said it that he meant, 'I'll try.' If he meant, 'Absolutely not,' he'd have been much more caustic about it.

After a few minutes, Kagome started shifting restlessly on her feet. Kirara, still in her diminutive form, demurely raised a hind paw and kicked repeatedly behind one ear. After she'd replaced her foot onto the earth, she let out a trilling mew as if to announce that the offending itch had been vanquished. Sango, meanwhile, pulled the strap of Hiraikotsu over her head and stuck the tip of the great boomerang into the earth so that she could lean on it out of boredom. Miroku eyed her with amusement and stepped a little closer to the taijiya once Shippou hopped off his shoulder and ran over to where Kagome and Inuyasha still stood.

"Kagome?" The kitsune looked up at her dubiously as he said her name. By now he'd gleaned enough of the situation to know that they were waiting for Kouga to arrive so that Inuyasha could kill him. Maybe no one told him that last part, but he figured the hanyou would have if he'd been the one to give the explanation. "Anou... What's taking him so long?" The fox kit didn't even need to make any effort in order to distinguish the wolf's scent by now, which meant he couldn't be that far. That was strange, they all knew, because normally he'd have been right there before Kagome could get out the words that she'd sensed his shards.

The uncertainty on the would-be miko's face confirmed Shippou's doubts. "I don't know, Shippou-chan. Maybe he's hurt." The concern laden in her voice only irritated Inuyasha further.

"I don't smell any blood," he offered moodily. Kagome relaxed visibly and his fist clenched. Where _was_ that stupid wolf? He just wanted to knock him around for a while then leave. The only reason Inuyasha was bothering to wait for him to make himself known was because he knew Kouga would hound their steps until a confrontation occurred, and then he'd accuse the hanyou of 'running away from him' or some other stupid thing. Inuyasha preferred to wait now and just get it over with, but this was getting ridiculous. No more than five minutes could possibly have passed by now, but it was still five minutes that _Kouga_ had taken from him, and that was inexcusable. An annoyed growl began to spill through his clenched teeth, and just as he was opening his mouth to tell the others they weren't waiting for the bastard wolf anymore, said 'bastard wolf' walked out of the tree line as if he were taking a pleasant stroll through a park somewhere; completely at ease and just radiating relaxation. It pissed off Inuyasha more than the waiting.

"Oi, baka! What's the matter, you forget how to use your shards?" Inuyasha snapped agitatedly, his hand twitching; yearning for the reassuring feel of Tetsusaiga's hilt. But he kept his hands stubbornly at his sides, something that did not go unnoticed by anyone present. Unfortunately for the hanyou, Kouga was among those present.

"Yo, inu kuso," Kouga greeted in his typical charismatic drawl, blatantly ignoring the question. His tone was friendly, despite the vulgar insult he'd just labeled the hanyou with. His confident smirk grew into a self-satisfied grin as he saw the affect the nickname had on Inuyasha. Almost as soon as the words had left his mouth, the hanyou had tensed visibly, clenching both his jaw as well as both fists. It was wrong, perhaps, but Kouga couldn't help it. He was just so easy to bait.

A low growl briefly preluded Inuyasha's retort, which was all but shouted, "What the hell do you want, wimpy wolf?" The instinct to grasp Tetsusaiga was stronger than ever, but he knew he'd have another rendezvous with his old friend the dirt before he even got the chance to unsheathe it. It didn't matter, he could do without it. For a moment, he reveled in his own little fantasy of rending the smug wolf limb from limb with his bare claws. He relaxed his fists and flexed his fingers, drawing forth ten intimidating cracks from his knuckles.

Shippou looked up at Inuyasha's face and saw an unsettling gleam in the hanyou's eyes. Recoiling with a voiced exhalation of terror, he backed away toward Kirara, not even wanting to know what Inuyasha was thinking at that moment. He only hoped he was not involved in any way, shape, or form. _Gomen, Kagome, but you're on your own!_

Again, Inuyasha's question went utterly ignored. Instead, Kouga strode right up to Kagome as if the hanyou wasn't standing right next to her and took both of her hands in his, locking his electric blue eyes with hers. "Kagome," he began, his voice almost husky with unconcealed tenderness. It always embarrassed her, the way he skirted the formalities and accepted social customs of any time period; theirs or hers. The only person she knew who acted in a similar way was Miroku and he was almost never serious when he flirted with women who weren't Sango.

Almost immediately, Kagome blushed at his forwardness. She laughed nervously and couldn't look into his eyes, but she certainly couldn't look at the glaring visage of Inuyasha who still stood beside them, growling viciously and rather obviously wishing painful death upon the wolf youkai. All of that, however, Kouga was seemingly oblivious to. His too-intent gaze was fixed on the girl in front of him, and he paid no mind to the ball of growing rage that was Inuyasha.

"Hai, K-Kouga-kun?" Kagome finally managed, turning her head and glancing out of the corner of her eye for anyone. She caught sight of Sango and sent her a pleading look, but was dismayed when the other girl simply shrugged helplessly in reply. Kagome tried not to groan. It was her affair, after all. She couldn't expect Sango to save her. Kouga pulled her closer then—eliciting an angry shout from Inuyasha—and she had no choice but to meet his gaze. She hated ignoring Inuyasha like this, but Kouga was paralyzing her with anxiety.

"Please forgive me, Kagome. I meant to do this after I defeated Naraku for you. However..." He paused, enjoying the wide-eyed look of confusion that spread across her face. His voice was still intimately gentle and full of love, and he thrilled at the way her cheeks so obviously burned at the sound of it. _She clearly loves me!_ After that elated thought, he continued, seemingly having only paused for dramatic effect. "I want you to come with me, Kagome." Once he had made that declaration, he took a deep breath and released it, lifting his chin proudly as if he had just told her something praiseworthy about himself.

"Like hell she will, baka!" came Inuyasha's snarling interjection. But yet again, he found himself being ignored. When Kagome's refusal didn't immediately follow his own, he stared at her, perplexed. He couldn't understand why she was speechless. As far as he was concerned, she'd just been insulted!

"Anou..." Kagome began eloquently. "Eeto..." Kouga waited, smiling with anticipation as she stammered, refusing to meet his gaze. "...I can't. Gomen, Kouga-kun."

Two breaths were released at the same time. Inuyasha's, as he immediately relaxed and folded his arms to watch Kouga's reaction to her reply, and Kouga's, as the answer deflated something very important inside of him. For several awkward moments, he didn't move or speak. He just stood there, staring at her and keeping her hands clasped tightly in his. If it hadn't been for the conversation with that miko a few hours ago, he'd have brushed this off like he usually did, probably have gotten into an argument with dog breath, and ended up running off with the promise of seeing her again. But now, it felt different. It felt wrong.

_Have I just lost my pride?_ Kouga wondered to himself. He wished that miko were here to explain it to him, but he was also glad she wasn't, fearing she'd find some way to rub it in. She didn't need to be there, though, because her words were still in his mind, and they answered his question for him.

"_What do you chase, wolf? The girl or your pride? In chasing one, you lose the other."_ He certainly didn't have Kagome, so maybe he still had some of his pride left. It wasn't much; it wasn't enough. But he would gather every speck of pride he had left and nurse his battered ego until he felt like himself again. This entire ill-fated endeavor had been the result of chasing his pride. After all, hadn't he told himself he had something to prove to himself? The miko had been right all along, about everything. And it killed him.

The drawn out silence was starting to unnerve Sango. Miroku was becoming increasingly concerned, Shippou was becoming increasingly bored, Inuyasha was quickly becoming impatient, and Kirara was wisely taking in the reactions of them all. As for Kagome, she didn't know what to think. She hated to hurt Kouga that way, and it frightened her when he didn't bounce back like he usually did. However, at long last he seemed to stir out of his thoughts and, to the relief of them all, dropped Kagome's hands gently and stepped back. He was smiling for her, but it was a heartrending smile, one that never reached his eyes. Sparing a glance at Inuyasha, Kouga gave Kagome one more long look before simply turning and walking away. This was the most unsettling series of developments of all. That he hadn't responded in any way to her refusal was worrisome enough. More so that he hadn't tried to start an argument with Inuyasha afterward. Then there was the basic concept of Kouga just _walking._ It was strange not seeing him run. But he seemed determined to place one foot in front of the other at the pace of a warrior's drum, with his head held high. He would keep his pride. With every step, he was getting more and more of it back again. He reached the edge of the clearing and stepped into the line of trees, and never once looked back.

Silence prevailed among the group for an uncomfortably long period of time. Even Inuyasha found it in bad taste to make any sort of comment about what had happened. After a minute or so, he let out a half-hearted, "Keh," but he didn't put any real derision or spite behind it. Granted, he still hated the wolf. But at the same time, even he couldn't help but pity him right now. He didn't like that, but he would respect him for the way he reacted. For now, at least. The next time they met, that respect would be long gone, he was certain. But he would keep silent now.

Slowly, it started to become even more awkward than when Kouga had been there. They all seemed to be shifting restlessly with no idea what to say or do to get things back to normal. Fortunately, they wouldn't have to worry about solving that. Inuyasha's ear twitched and he looked over his shoulder in the direction Kouga had come from, one eyebrow raised in confusion. Shippou also lifted his head and frowned as if he'd heard something familiar but couldn't place where he'd heard it. Not long after, even the humans among them began to hear the sounds. Two voices, crying out in near unison, as well as brush being trampled unceremoniously.

"Kouga! Wait for us, Kouga!" Ginta and Hakkaku shouted breathlessly as they burst into the clearing, running as fast as their tired legs could carry them. They beamed twin grins at Kagome as they jogged past her. "Konnichiwa, Kagome-oneesama! Sayonara, Kagome-oneesama!" Then they, too, were gone.

Despite themselves, every last one of them broke out into a grin. It wasn't long before they set out in a different direction than the wolves had gone.

Kouga's clansmen caught up to him a few minutes later, and all things considered, he was actually glad for the company. They were glad for the much slower pace and didn't question it. Nor did they ask what had happened with 'Kagome-oneesama,' but then, they never did.

"_Stop running. Learn patience. What truly belongs to you may then come with much less effort." _Kouga looked over at Ginta and Hakkaku and smiled. They were more than his followers. More than his clansmen. They were his friends. He was glad they'd caught up when they did. Then and there he decided to take the miko's advice fully to heart. He'd slow down the pace of his life and see just what else decided to catch up to him.

* * *

P-AN: I still can't quite figure out what it is about this chapter I don't like, but maybe it's just paranoia. Please be brutally honest! But anyway, more terms! Don't you just feel like you're back in school? I heart you guys. :D

ne – at the end of a sentence, it's a request for confirmation or agreement (e.g., 'okay?' 'right?' 'you know?' 'won't you?'); at the beginning, it's spelled 'nee,' and it's like an attention grabber (e.g., 'hey' 'oh' 'you know' 'come on')

inu kuso – 'dog shit'

anou – (did I put this one already?) essentially means 'um'

eeto – another filler word, literally means 'yes and,' basically another way of saying 'um'

chikushou – an interjection; depending on how it's said it can be as mild as 'damn' or a bit stronger

konnichiwa – hello

sayonara – goodbye


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Okay, so I know I said I wasn't going to go crazy with the Japanese, but I sorta did in this chapter, but I won't make a habit of it! There's just something about Sesshoumaru thinking. I keep hearing Narita Ken's voice lilting those lovely Nihongo syllables in only the way that he can, and it just doesn't work in English. But, before you start thinking, 'Okay, now she's just making words up,' you will be happy to know that I only did it twice (I think) and you really don't need to know what the words mean to understand what he's thinking about. I'll still translate it at the end, though.

* * *

It has always seemed as though the dead of night was the best time to think. Although, that was probably because much like all the threatening youkai who would impede on one's path, those who comprised one's entourage would be fast asleep. It couldn't be called silence, for the ambient sounds of night were always keeping up the symphony of nature. Perhaps it could be called simply, 'peace and quiet,' a state of being which was quite conducive to thinking, or just plain musing. Both just so happened to be pastimes that a certain infamously reticent inu youkai spent a great deal of time honing into something of a craft.

Anyone who was even slightly acquainted with Sesshoumaru knew that to ask him what he was thinking about was an exercise in pointlessness. A person might as well have been asking such a question of a rock, for all the answer they'd receive. But then, the same might have been said for just about any question asked of the son of the West. He refused to state the obvious, and he refused to repeat himself. The only times Sesshoumaru would break these rules were when he deemed the information important enough to emphasize in such a fashion. Few things were that important. He was also a little unforgiving when it came to his definition of 'obvious.' He had already seen both sides of a few centuries by now, and after all that time, had both accumulated a wealth of knowledge and fine-tuned his deductive capabilities. It was unfortunate for posers of questions that he knew so much. What was obvious to him should have been obvious to them, and if it wasn't then they were clearly too ignorant for him to waste his breath informing them of what they should already know. He would answer Rin's questions, to a point. This was only because she was a child, and as such he forgave her ignorance. There were some things, however, that she did not need to know, and still others that he felt she should cultivate the reasoning skills to learn on her own.

On this night, there were no questions to ignore. There was nothing but the sky, the grassy plain on which he stood, the line of trees a few yards behind him where Rin, Jaken, and Aun slept peacefully, and Sesshoumaru, absorbed in his thoughts. He would think sometimes about the distant past, the not-too-distant past, and the future. But most often, he'd think about the not-too-distant future. Sesshoumaru felt no need, nor any great desire to dwell overmuch on the present. He thought about where he would lead them all next; took into consideration Rin's safety and Jaken's stupidity. Perhaps he was unduly harsh with the little youkai. He had his merits. But he would have to do something extraordinary to hear a word of praise from his lord's lips. And yet, allowing Jaken to continue following him was, in itself, Sesshoumaru's own brand of approval. If he considered him utterly incompetent, he wouldn't permit him to follow; blood-debt or no blood-debt. So, there was no need to praise him for anything. It was the same with the little girl. Letting them both trail in his wake was a greater honor for them than any words of compliment he might utter. So, he didn't. Words could be lies, after all. How easy it could be to spew forth words that weren't true. Actions meant more. They could not be made into lies, not easily.

Staring off into the distance, Sesshoumaru plotted their course by memory, thinking of the places he's been so many times before. _Isshofujuu... _"Hn."_ That I should be reduced to such a life._ Lifting his eyes to the stars, Sesshoumaru stared at the celestial figures as if they were symbols he could read. He'd broken a rule just now by thinking about the present. But he'd still be living this transient life in the not-too-distant future, so really the thought was allowed. He did not berate himself for the thought, though. Never once did he consider that he shouldn't have thought it. That was something else Sesshoumaru avoided at all costs: regret. It was a useless, draining, weak thing. Regret, sorrow, grief, sadness, love. They were like leeches that made a person feeble and helpless. He had no need for such things. But, should any thoughts that bordered on these reprehensible emotions enter his mind, he wouldn't acknowledge that he'd made an error. It would not _be_ an error. If there was one thing Sesshoumaru never did, it was beat himself up over things, no matter what those things were. Even if he had a good reason to inwardly berate himself, he would never do it. That was a rule he'd never slip up on.

Nor did he ever defend his actions, even to himself. He never wondered at his subconscious motives. He never second-guessed himself, nor did he search for hidden meanings behind his objectives. If he did something that might be considered unlike him, it simply had to be done. There was no need to think on it further, and anyone who questioned his actions would receive his slowly receding back as their reply. It wasn't entirely arrogance. Sesshoumaru believed that if one needed to argue their point, then they weren't completely confident that they were correct, and therefore must fight to convince the other of something that may not be true. He, however, was _always_ completely confident that he was correct. In everything. He could afford to be that confident, since he made it a habit to turn and walk away from things he became uncertain about. But he would give the same reaction to things he lost interest in, so not even this was an accurate method of reading the impervious youkai.

His indifferent gaze turned to the moon, as it so often did. Instantly, he gauged that there was less than a week until the new moon. Golden eyes narrowed reproachfully at the unwitting heavenly body. Most people would probably think that the crescent moon would appeal to Sesshoumaru, in a narcissistic sort of way. But in truth, he despised it. He felt as though it were mocking him. It reminded him of the distant past—which was permissible to think about—but it left him feeling vaguely disgruntled. He remembered being very young and watching his father transform into that mountainous taiyoukai form. Sesshoumaru had still been young enough then to be awestruck, watching admiringly as his father moved with a regal grace that his sheer size should not have allowed. He had dispatched his opponent with laughable ease, then closed in on the hill his son had been watching from to ensure his safety. As he lowered his great head to take Sesshoumaru into view, the young heir had been hit by another wave of awe as he watched that familiar crescent moon make its own arc across the sky. He'd thought then that his father's mark must have been larger than the moon that lived in the heavens.

As the years had gone by, though, the innocent adoration had changed. It would melt into inspiration, as he constantly strove to be better, stronger, more powerful. More like his father. That inspiration would burn into ambition, as he recognized his desire to not only be like his father, but to surpass him one day. He would be the only one able to defeat his father in battle. No one else would have that honor. That had been his dream. He had worked toward that dream his entire life; nothing else mattered. But that dream would be stripped from him by a human woman and her half-breed offspring. At that point, Sesshoumaru had not yet surpassed his father. He had not even matched him. To this day, he was still not the taiyoukai his father had been. Whenever the crescent moon bore down on him, it seemed to remind him of that fact.

His quest to become stronger, to gain more power, that hadn't gone away though his ultimate goal could now not be realized. He still sought the same things. One day, he would finally be strong enough to exact his vengeance.

He would rip the moon out of the sky for its impudence.

But until then, he'd content himself with utterly destroying Naraku. If he could manage to see the demise of Inuyasha along the way, he would be pleased. But that no longer mattered to him either way. Sesshoumaru could not remember exactly when it had stopped mattering. If he had to guess, he'd probably say it was about the same time he lost interest in the Tetsusaiga. He still wanted it. He would still have it one day. But much like Inuyasha's death, it didn't matter much anymore. Sesshoumaru would be patient—he had decided this at some point he hadn't realized—and one day it would come to him. There was no honor in stealing it, anyway.

Removing his intense amber gaze from the unknowingly doomed moon, Sesshoumaru looked down at Tenseiga's braided hilt at his waist and resisted the urge to run his clawed fingers over it, knowing that his father had touched it so many times. Sesshoumaru frowned slightly at that concept. His father had used it often, and yet he himself has found no good use for it yet. Rin was just a test, after all. _Chichiue... Why give me such a useless thing? What is there to learn from this?_ He could resist the urge no longer and lifted his hand to run the fingertip of his index finger over Tenseiga's hilt. A faint smirk took the frown's place then his expression faded back to neutral. _Why give me such a name if you never intended to bequeath Tetsusaiga to me?_ It was a perfect irony. His name was destructive, violent, and final, and yet he possessed a sword that could restore life.

He wondered if he'd ever find a good use for it. He saw people die all the time, but he never felt the inclination to use the sword. _How can I know they do not deserve death?_ It was a heavy burden he bore; being the wielder of Tenseiga. However, Sesshoumaru dealt with this burden by simply not caring. Rin had been a good test of Tenseiga's power. As a small child, it was very likely that she had not deserved death. Young children, for the most part, were innocent and blameless. Rin, however, seemed to be a paragon of all the good qualities of youth.

There was something rather extraordinary about her, as well, and after all that time he still couldn't quite grasp exactly what it was. She was always so _happy._ That, in itself, was not that extraordinary. But she had suffered in her few short years, he could sense as much. Less than this would condemn strong humans to lifelong despair. Why not her? He recalled that when he met the child, she could not—or would not—speak. In the beginning, he had assumed she'd always been mute and that Tenseiga had somehow cured her of it when she'd been resurrected. But then he'd heard her telling Jaken one night about the bandits that had killed her parents before her eyes, and he'd understood.

It still didn't explain, however, why she'd begun speaking only when she started following him. It didn't explain why she'd seemed so happy before that when she'd beamed up at him with a bruised and swollen face after he'd unconcernedly asked her what had happened to her. She found so much joy in life now, as if Tenseiga had healed her spirit as well as her body. Now it was as if nothing could keep her from being happy, and he couldn't understand that. He didn't understand how she worked at all, but instead of aggravating him, it vaguely intrigued him. So he kept her.

Contrary to popular belief, Sesshoumaru did not _hate_ humans. He didn't like them, and he certainly didn't love them, but he didn't go out of his way to kill them. They were lesser beings; like smaller mammals were to them, so they were to youkai. At least, that's how he perceived them. As long as they stayed away from what belonged to him and did not obstruct his path, he had no reason to interact with them at all. If they did either of those two things, however, the punishment would be swift and final. He could only imagine what those like his ignorant half-brother were saying about Rin's perpetual presence. It was ridiculous; couldn't he keep an interesting human around? What disgusted him, however, were the whisperings from the older youkai who claimed he was getting more and more like his father. There had been a time, long ago, when such words would have pleased him greatly. But under such a connotation, they made the bile rise in his throat. It was despicable; what his father had done. In some circles, it was adamantly believed that while lesser youkai might take humans as mates, for a taiyoukai to do so was bordering on bestiality. Sesshoumaru would live under the veil of his father's shame for the rest of his days. As would Inuyasha. But that fact did not, nor did it ever, grant the hanyou a reprieve in his half-brother's eyes.

One might think that under such accusations, Sesshoumaru wouldn't keep Rin for long. But he was never one to permit the words of another to dictate his own actions. He might have kept her just to spite them, but even then, a contrary action to the words of another is still an action being dictated by those words. That was something he would not allow. So he'd reacted to the allegations the way he did best: he had ignored them.

A breeze picked up then, and Sesshoumaru emptied his mind of its rapidly cluttering and useless thoughts, turning instead into the light wind. Out of habit, he canted up his chin and separated the scents that were brought to him. He hadn't expected anything interesting, but then, he wasn't on guard duty. He was just awake. Lowering his guard in order to sleep did not happen very often, but he did not need it to at any rate. There were heavy clouds on the horizon, laden with moisture and electricity. Rain brought disorientation to those who would be foolish enough to call themselves his enemies and made it safe for him to sleep. Storm clouds had become the harbingers of dreams for him, and the ones he saw approaching would be no different. He felt neither relieved nor disappointed.

He turned his back on the breeze, which had increased in intensity until it was now a steady wind, and headed toward the tree line. Several locks of his silvery-white hair were caught in the fresh wind and blew forward over his shoulder, but he paid no attention. What did catch his attention, however, was the sudden fluttering of his empty left sleeve as it too joined his hair in its cavorting with the wind. His eyes flicked down at it for just a fraction of a second, but it was long enough to lodge itself in his thoughts. The loss of his arm was unfortunate. But he did not mourn it. He had accepted its loss, as well as the reason for it. No, Inuyasha had not taken his arm. Karma had. He accepted it as punishment for his shameful loss of composure. That, however, was as close to regretting his behavior as Sesshoumaru would ever come. The punishment had been heavy, but not unbearable. After all, he was no less formidable in battle for his loss. What was more, it had given him his own special brand of humility, which in turn gave him focus. He would never say that anything Inuyasha did had been good in the long run, because in the end, he was still without his left arm. He would say, though, that there was wisdom in Karma's justice. A harsh, bitter wisdom, perhaps; but a wisdom nonetheless.

_Shukugou kara nogarerarenai. Kono Sesshoumaru ga... Iie, not even I am able to escape it._ With these fatalistic thoughts in mind, the inu youkai lowered only his gaze to the ground he was unhurriedly covering. The wind shifted, restoring his errant strands to their appropriate arrangement behind him. As he moved, the tips of his hair almost brushed over the blades of grass he trod upon, but remained just out of their reach. It was as if it would never degrade itself by sullying its luster upon the ground, yet enjoyed tormenting the earth's children by denying them its silken touch by mere centimeters. As the wind swept through the plain, faltered, and eventually died, one could almost hear the anguished moans of the tiny blades as they despaired over the missed opportunity.

Or was that Jaken snoring?

* * *

P-AN: I got a lot of insight to his personality from Sesshoumaru's character single, _Gou._ The line, 'Shukugou kara nogarerarenai' is actually the last line of the chorus. Credit where credit is due! If you haven't heard the song, whether you know Japanese or not, I highly recommend it, it's really good. Part of the reason I wrote this chapter was not only to introduce a whole bunch of totally different forms of unrequited love, but I got the idea to write the scene that might have led up to him singing that song. _Inuyasha: the Musical_, anyone?

Isshofujuu – 'vagrant' or 'transient lifestyle'; the perpetual wanderer without a home

Chichiue – _chichi_ is a respectful term for 'father,' and adding _ue_ to a family term just heightens the respect. It's like saying, 'father...who is above me.' (Kohaku always calls Sango _aneue_ for that reason, just an interesting tidbit!)

'Shukugou kara nogarerarenai. Kono Sesshoumaru ga...' – 'Karma cannot be escaped. This Sesshoumaru...'

If I am ever wrong in my definitions, or my usage is off, please let me know! I am still learning, and being corrected is the best way to learn! Thank you, and thanks for reading!

Also, since I wrote this, I've been reading the manga (which is AWESOME) and I've learned that Sesshoumaru's momma is the one with the crescent mark on her forehead. The manga never actually shows Inupapa, and though I've been squinting at _Tenka Hadou no Ken_, I can't get a good glimpse of his forehead. But I don't think there's anything there. But instead of rewriting that whole chunk of (completely made-up) backstory, I'm just going to leave it because I really like the imagery a lot. So just pretend with me on that part! I just wanted everybody out there who happens to be as detail-oriented as I am to know that I own up to being totally wrong! One day I'll figure out how to reword it, but til then, I'm just gonna keep it. Ideas are welcome!


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